Happy Birthday Mom...

I  miss you.

Hell

I just got back from Hell
and I'm standing here alive
I know it's really hard to tell
Don't know how I survived
But I can't say that I'm doin' great
But I think I'm doin' well
That Devil's gonna have to wait
'Cause I just got back from Hell

Well, I just got back from Hell
And I guess to tell the truth
Well, I've been mad at everyone, including God and you
When you can't find no one to blame you just blame yourself
And I know I'll never be the same
I just got back from Hell

Forgive me if I had any part
If Iever broke your heart in two
Forgive me for what I didnt know
For what I didnt say or do
And, God, forgive me as well
'Cause I just got back from Hell

Well, I just got back from Hell
And I need to make some plans
It's the last thing that I wanna do
But I'll do the best I can
I'm gonna learn to live again
But I think I'll sit a spell
Tell the world that I'm alive
and I just got back from Hell

I can't say that I'm doin' great
But I think I'm gettin' well
Gonna let the world know I'm alive
And I just got back from Hell
And I just got back from Hell
I just got back from Hell
Got back from Hell

Oh really?

The Enthusiast
Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered.
Sevens have anxiety about their inner world. There are feelings of pain, loss, deprivation, and general anxiety that Sevens would like to stay clear of as much as possible. To cope with these feelings, Sevens keep their minds occupied with exciting possibilities and options— as long as they have something stimulating to anticipate, Sevens feel that they can distract themselves from their fears. Sevens, in most cases, do not stop merely at thinking about these options, however. As much as possible they attempt to actually do as many of their options as they can. Thus, Sevens can be found staying on the go, pursuing one experience after another, and keeping themselves entertained and engaged with their many ideas and activities.

Lets break it down line by line, shall we?

Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered. -- Yes. All of the above.

Sevens have anxiety about their inner world-- Yep, you betcha.

There are feelings of pain, loss, deprivation, and general anxiety that Sevens would like to stay clear of as much as possible.--  Yes, I have so much anxiety about things in general sometimes that I think I am going to eventually end up with a stress related ulcer, and feeling of "pain loss and deprivation"-- are some of the very basic tenets of my personality.

To cope with these feelings, Sevens keep their minds occupied with exciting possibilities and options— as long as they have something stimulating to anticipate, Sevens feel that they can distract themselves from their fears-- Ahh, yes-- the classic if I dont' think about it, it'll go away and I won't have to worry about it so lets find something shiny and bubbly to play with tactic that I employ on a daily basis. It works occasionally, till something reminds me of the original problem anyway wherein I return to the anxiety part of my daily life.

Sevens, in most cases, do not stop merely at thinking about these options, however. As much as possible they attempt to actually do as many of their options as they can. Thus, Sevens can be found staying on the go, pursuing one experience after another, and keeping themselves entertained and engaged with their many ideas and activities. -- Tis a true statement, to keep myself from thinking about a *then* recent miscarriage, I took a girlfriend and I on a week long trip to Vegas, sans spouses. Previously, in an attempt to feel *younger*, I got a nose ring. It's a good tactic to employ on occasion.

So, does this sum up me in a nutshell, well--sorta. That really illuminates my negative aspects, for sure. But what about the postive ones?

• Desires popularity -- Yeah, pretty much.
  
• Loves art
  
• Neat -- This one is waaaay off base, I'm one of the messiest people I know.
  
• Dresses up for the occassion
  
• Slight perfectionist --In certain areas, yeah.
  
• Narcisstic -- Sadly, True.
  
• Charitable -- I try.
  
• Bossy at times ---haha, they didn't call me Hitler Jr, when I was growin' up for nothing.
  
• Plans ahead -- Not really.
  
• Attention to detail --Meh, not so much.
  
• Loves public service -- I must, otherwise why would I work where I do?

Likes... Beauty Gifts Debates Attention Intellectual conversations Admiration Credit cards Mingling Subtle colours, textures Haute Coutoure

Dislikes... Noise Confusion Sloppiness Ugliness Dirt Pressured decisions Being rushed Criticism

Well, anyway. I was bored, and now you know me a *little* bit better, no?

 

 

 

Tears

"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."

-- Julie Burchill

-- Mom lead a complete life, she was happy, healthy and honest. Why do I still feel the need to cry?

Mom

Mom

I see you in pictures, you’re still so real,
You’re just a phone call away.
I can’t grasp you’re gone, we just had talked,
I just called you the other day.
So fast I never had a chance
To really understand,
That day would be the last,
That I would ever hear your voice.
For you I guess it was better,
Your pain was over fast,
But I’m left behind and I miss you,
My thoughts swirling in the past.
I hope you heard the words we spoke,
I hope you knew we were there,
You weren’t alone, did you know that we loved you,
Did you know that we cared?
My only hope is that one day,
I will see you once again,
So I’m resting in the peace
That you are smiling down on me,
So long then, mom,
At least I know you’re now free.

Update

Again we'll start with the quote from facebook:

_{On this day, God wants you to know...}

_{...
that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a
bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.}

_{Trust, huh? How can I trust that all is going as it should when a wonderful human being was taken from those that love her with no warning? How can I believe that there is a plan behind this?} 

Cathy
Hooper of Meredith passed away peacefully with her family along her
bedside Monday, March 1, 2010, at Dartmouth Hitchcock Memorial Hospital.

She was born in Wolfeboro, April 9, 1962, to Richard and Donna Sargent. She grew up in Ossipee, and attended local schools.

Cathy was a lover of life, her family and her friends.

Cathy
is survived by her loving husband of 31 years, David; three children,
Becky Gargan of Bellevue, Neb., Elizabeth, Jarion Clarke, of Meredith,
and Scott Hooper, of Meredith; six grandchildren that she loved with
all her heart. Cathy is also survived by her mother, Donna Sargent; her
brother, Richard Sargent Jr.; and her sister, Sarah Custeau.

Cathy was preceded in death by her father, Richard Sargent Sr.

A springtime graveside memorial service will be held in Center Tuftonboro.

In
lieu of flowers, the family is requesting that everyone please attempt
to follow Cathy's loving example and become an organ and blood donor.

How can anyone trust anything when the world as they know it is ripped out from under them like a throw rug? I understand that I'm an adult and that I shouldn't need my mother, but damn it--I do. She was one of my best friends, my  inspiration, my confidant, my hero. She was the glue holding our family together, she always had been. When we were little and my dad was deployed, I was never scared ...because mom was there. When I was a teenager and testing my boundaries, I always knew in the back of my head that no matter what happened, I'd be safe...because mom was there. When i joined the Air Force and moved away from home, I wasn't scared ...because I knew mom was there behind me. When I got married and had kids of my own...mom was right there beside me, each time. When I got divorced...mom was there.  Mom was always there to turn to, to lean on, to confide in,  and now...mom isn't there.

I miss my mom.