Thanksgiving 2009

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily." -Gerald Good



This has been a year of loss, heartache, change and endings--But
throughout it all, I can see the small things to be thankful for.

I am healthy. My kids are healthy and happy. My small family, while no
longer intact in the way that I would have hoped is still functioning.
My friends have shown the utmost of support and love. My larger family
back east is happy and healthy as well, and have shown their undying
support and have been there for me when I needed to cry, to vent, to
laugh and to just get away. I've reconnected with friends from years
ago and realized how much I missed them in my life. I've made new
friends that will be lifelong ones. I've been able to travel and see
places and people that I love and look forward to visiting again. I've
found my stride as a single person and have made a good start on
several new relationships that are healthy and happy and fun. I've
realized that I'm not looking for myself anymore--I've found me and
now, I'm taking the time to get to know me again.

Thank you all so much for being part of my life this past year. Thank
you for your support, your love, your friendship. I love you all.
Here's to many more years together.

--Becky

Truth

I don’t know. I’ll be the bigger person, I just need to be strong enough. I am strong at other things in life, believe me. My broken heart will keep on reminding me that sometimes I will miss him and sometimes I wont, but thinking of him is just a never ending force. Sincere and honest truth, there is only one person who can fix it- the one who broke it. But, it's something that he can't/won't ever fix. Not sure if I'd let him try. I'm finding that I can stand on my own, it's shaky and scary and utterly perplexing, but I can do it. Just watch.

Time told.

Well, He called... and texted. A ton. I don't think it's been more than 8 hours with out hearing from him in someway since last friday. Huh.

A random gift :)

 So, I'm sitting at home last night and get a text message from my girl Deb who wants me to come out to her dad and step-mom's anniversary party. Now normally, I am not a huge fan of parties where I don't know anyone but Deb is being very  persuasive about it.  I say no initially...so she tells me that she's got a birthday gift for me there. I like presents, so I tell her to send me a picture.... and OMG!!! Holy hot scruffy DJ neighbor of her dad's Batman! So I get all dressed up and head out to small town Iowa for a anniversary party for people I don't really know.

Once there, I get to meet hot DJ :) who is very obviously drunk but charming nonetheless. He tells me he's 37 (very obviously not) and black (again, obviously not) and seems shocked when I don't fall for his bullshit. He then begins telling me about himself, Name Josh, occupation DJ, just moved to IA from Houston.  There's is a good amount of "chemistry" between the two of us and we exchange phone numbers and photos from our phones.  I look at his mom, who happes to live next door to Deb's dad... and tell her that I am going to do inappropriate things with her son. She gives her blessing. (To her credit, she was also drunk at the time) 

Conversation flows, the alcohol flows and soon it's time to go home.  Josh walks me to the car and gives me a big hug and kiss goodbye. He promises to call soon...time will tell.

Who am I?

I am wistful and optimistic,

I wonder what's next;

I hear the sound of laughter

 and I see your smile.

I want faith and desire-

I am wistful and optimistic.

I pretend to be brave;

I feel the waves crashing about me.

I touch the pause button;

and I worry about the end results.

I cry over the lost me and the chances that were never taken.

I am wistful and optimistic

 

I understand that I can be me;

I say lets run and don't look back.

I dream of what's to come and what will never be again.

I try to be me,

 I hope for faith and desire-

I am wistful and optimistic

Touched a nerve....

I read a list today and two things on it touched a nerve: If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
and Everything can change in the blink of an eye. Oh, how true they both are.

I
am currently in a "relationship", that is unknown to everyone but a
select few. Why? He's still married, in the process of divorce, but
still legally, technically married. I was "legally technically" married
when we began this relationship, but I felt it okay to tell a few
people. He's not of the same mind.  So no one  (but a select few) knows
and no one else will know until the divorce is final. But then, he
moves to Korea and will be gone a year...so there's another year that
I'll be alone and miserable. I hate this more and more everyday. I am
just not feeling being in a relationship anymore.I'm losing sight of
myself again.It like I jumped right from a wife..to His girl and didn't
stop to find myself in between...and then no one but you (and work
people) and his parents know about it..and I hate that. I have a
sincere need to be acknowledged.

So, my problem is--How
do I tell him that? I don't want to stop seeing him completely, I just
want to have time to myself and maybe explore the possibility of seeing
other people (no one in particular).

Why do I have such a hard time with this?

On this day of your life, Becky, we believe God wants you to know...
... that when people tell you nice things, stop shrugging them off as if they are nothing.

The sincere compliments you receive are your jewels, - collect them in your heart, - they highlight the beauty of your being and empower you during challenging times. Never say 'oh, it's nothing' or shrug your shoulders when you hear a sincere compliment. Pause, breath it in, and really feel its meaning.

 

 

I got this message from Facebook this morning, and it struck me as something that I should listen to. I really have a hard time accepting compliments/praise from other people yet I have really low self-esteem. You'd think that I'd eat it up, wouldn't you? But no, I think hearing things like this make it worse--as you feel as if people are joking and not being truthful with you. But that is probably just me.